Waking early, teshuvah
I know that I need more sleep,
far more sleep than this,
but I also know that I need to change my life.
In these day-shy moments,
passing ships with our dreams.
we are more intimate with our subconscious.
Perhaps at this thin hour
it is quiet enough to hear my soul—
so often drowned out
by my strange need to be useful.
Perhaps the smell of dew
will bring God down from the clouds
where we so zealously put him to work.
I know that I need more sleep,
but the songs that greet the first breath of day
sound like repentance.
So what of bleary eyes
if it lets me remember something
about grace?
Angels are more interested in our yearnings
than our ambitions.
Take those deeper sighs
and cast them upon morning’s altar
and you might find that you are not alone.
Do not be troubled by this stirring,
these aches of divinity
returning your blood to meaning.
I know that I need more sleep,
but during the day
I am too busy asking
to receive,
too busy thinking
to be thoughtful,
too busy trying to make a living
to remember to be alive.
I am here now, heart awash
with dawn’s soft clarity.
The mercy of this world’s abundance.
I will go and change my life.
We are one week into Elul – the last month in the Jewish year.
It is a month of reflection, in which we prepare for Rosh Hashanah (new year) and the Days of Awe that culminate in Yom Kippur – the Day of Atonement.
This is a season of ‘teshuvah’.
Teshuvah is usually translated as repentance, but it literally means ‘return’.
Return to what really matters.
Return to beauty.
Return to simplicity.
Return to family and friendship and community.
Return to kindness.
Return to goodness.
Return to creativity and play.
Return to honesty.
Return to self-compassion.
Return to nature.
Return to love.
Return to all the things that make our souls sing and contribute to tikkun olam – the repair of the world.
We all stray from these things sometimes. And it’s good to have reminders to come back.
Gideon Heugh
Gideon Heugh 